


The Thing About Girls

by Deonara2012



Category: B.A.P, F.Cuz, K-pop, Secret (Band)
Genre: F/M, Genderswap, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-12
Packaged: 2017-11-20 23:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deonara2012/pseuds/Deonara2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The girl Jinchul meets at the bar is not exactly who she seems. Sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Thing About Girls

**Author's Note:**

> This totally came from a meme I did a while ago: 
> 
> 18\. Genderswap - 1&6: Jinon, YoungJae
> 
> The change had softened YoungJae's features, Jinon thought, but not the fire blazing in her (his?) eyes. "I'm not some horse at auction!" YoungJae snarled.
> 
> I wrote that, and... this happened. Also - for those of you not familiar with F.Cuz, Jinon is JinChul's stage name - I did it this way because it seemed to be a way for him to keep sane.
> 
> Also: I don't know Secret.

The dimness of the bar gave Kim Jinchul exactly the cover he'd hoped for, and he took his drink to a small table in the back to keep from any lights that might give him away. He pulled his baseball cap lower to hide his face and to cover the give-away stripe of blond in his hair. He'd left Jinon back in the dorm; YeJun and Kan knew to cover for him, and DaeGeon and RaeHyun would learn. He just needed a break, to be himself - not his stage name - for a bit. They'd understand soon enough.

"Mind if I join you?"

He looked up to realize that the place had filled up, and the other chair at his table was the only one left. "No," he said, before taking in the curves unsuccessfully hidden under sweats and a bulky sweater, hair and face obfuscated by a scarf. "Sit down."

She did, setting down a bottle of Soju and a glass for it. "Just... don't talk to me," she said quietly, and he frowned, the voice vaguely familiar. He didn't press her, though, nodding his agreement because he understood the need for privacy. Or, at least, the illusion of it.

The problem was, she drank like a man. Not in capacity (he knew women who could and had drunk him under the table), no, but the movements, the way she sat, everything (except the curves and the voice) proclaimed man. He watched her out of the corner of his eyes, trying to catch a glimpse of her face under the scarf. All he got was a flash of platinum blond hair near her left eye, but even that.... It all fell into place, and he reacted before he realized just how ridiculous a thought it was (he must have drunk more than he thought), grasping the scarf to pull from her head.

She jerked back, which only served to remove the scarf faster, and Jinchul stared.

Whatever had caused the curves on B.A.P.'s YoungJae had also softened the planes of his face, easing his jaw line. Jinchul could understand the fury that blazed from her (his?) eyes as she snatched the scarf back, could even understand the half-empty bottle of soju on the table in front of them.

"I'm not some horse at auction," YoungJae snapped, and started to get up.

Jinchul realized he'd been staring the whole time and shook his head even as he grabbed her wrist. "YoungJae," he murmured, and the woman across from him froze.

"Who...."

He pulled his cap off. "Jinon. F.Cuz," he said. "Or, if you prefer, Jinchul. I left Jinon back with the others."

YoungJae sagged back into her seat, elbows braced on the table, and Jinchul let her - her, with delicate wrists like that - go, pulling his cap back on. "This is insane," YoungJae mumbled.

"Yes," Jinchul said, and poured more of the alcohol into her glass. He'd need it, if he were in her position. "What happened?"

"I have no idea," she said, and gulped the alcohol down. "I've been hiding all day. I turned off my phone before noon. They won't stop calling...."

Jinchul could understand. YongGuk must be out of his mind. "Do they know?"

YoungJae shook her head emphatically. "No. No, that... No. Definitely not."

"What are you going to do?"

"Get very drunk - which I'm halfway to - and pass out."

Jinchul bit his lip. "Bad plan. Not to make it worse, but you're... delectable."

YoungJae scowled. "What?"

"Any man who isn't too drunk to notice is trying to figure out how to get you out of those clothes and into his bed. Those sweats don't hide enough."

YoungJae eyed him. "That 'any man' includes you."

Jinchul smiled wryly. "Until I knew who you were. Not that I could act on it, but yeah."

YoungJae sighed, poured more alcohol into her glass, and gulped it down. "So... take me home."

"I don't know where...." Jinchul started.

"No. To your place."

"Why?"

"Better than my place."

"How?"

"I can't face them," YoungJae said, sounding desperate. "I just... can't. I don't know what else to do." She poured another drink and gulped it down.

Jinchul nodded, then frowned. "Right. Okay. Let's go."

"Why?"

"Bottle's empty."

YoungJae scowled at it, then sighed. "Okay."

Jinchul helped her fix the scarf around her head again, and then escorted her out to the street. He waved down a taxi, giving the driver his address once they were inside. YoungJae leaned against him, shoulder to shoulder, and said nothing.

By the time they reached the apartment, YoungJae leaned pretty heavily on him. Jinchul got the door open, got them both out of shoes, and helped her into their tiny front room.

"Hyung?"

"Hey, YeJun. Do you mind letting RaeHyun share your bed tonight?"

YeJun just stared at him. Jinchul could feel his gaze on the back of his head as he walked YoungJae into the bedroom. The blond might have already passed out, Jinon didn't know and couldn't check. "Sure, yeah," YeJun finally said.

"Thanks."

"Now you're...." RaeHyun looked up from his game and stopped mid-sentence. "Um." He scrambled off his bed and pulled the covers back. "Here."

"Thanks," Jinchul said, and lay YoungJae down, covering her with RaeHyun's blanket. When he stood up again, he could feel his responsibility - his stage name and all that came with it - settle around his shoulders again.

"Who is that?" DaeGeon asked, looking down from his bunk, trying to see who Jinon had brought in.

"Let her sleep it off, okay?" Jinon said. "She's not very happy and is very drunk right now."

"Tempted?" Kan asked, smirking when Jinon turned around, almost face to face with him.

"Very," Jinon said. "You're all the best deterrent I could think of."

RaeHyun snickered. "Oh. Yeah."

"What's her name?" DaeGeon asked.

"I didn't ask." Jinon sighed. "So. Bed time. I think we have an early morning."

Groans sounded from each of them, but they didn't argue with him. Jinon went to get YeJun - because sometimes the magnae didn't move unless pushed - and to make sure all the lights were out. Once they were settled in bed and almost asleep, Jinon searched for YoungJae's phone, being very careful where he put his hands. When he did found it, he went into the kitchen and shut the door.

Finding YongGuk's number was easy. Every call and text YoungJae had gotten in the past 20 hours was from him, and there were a lot of them. Jinon braced himself, and dialed the number.

"Where the hell are you?" a deep voice growled over the line, worry and irritation and incomprehension lacing it.

"Hi. Sorry. YoungJae's asleep," Jinon said. "And very drunk."

YongGuk paused a moment. "Who is this?"

"Jinon, from F.cuz. I ran into YoungJae at a bar. He's here now, at our dorm, sleeping it off. He wouldn't tell me your address so I had to bring her here." He cringed at that mistake.

YongGuk paused. "He's okay?"

"I... don't know how to answer that. He downed a full bottle of Soju in about 45 minutes, so I'd say something bothered him."

"That's not like him."

"I didn't think so," Jinon said.

"He's asleep?"

"Passed out."

YongGuk hesitated. "You said her. So I wasn't mistaken this morning. Damn."

Jinon started. "You... know?"

YongGuk snorted. "I might have been half asleep, and he tried to hide it, but I bet you noticed how well that worked."

"Everyone in the bar noticed," Jinon told him.

"I was the only one up, though, so the others don't know. He thinks he got out without anyone seeing?"

"Yes. He's mortified. She is. She's incredibly attractive."

YongGuk laughed shortly. "Do something to make her cry, you're dead."

He'd figured that out. He'd feel the same way. "Couldn't think of a better deterrent than four other guys," Jinon admitted.

"Good. Call me in the morning. Or when he's sober again."

"Right. Sleep well." Jinon hung up and rubbed his face, then went to bed. He crawled in with YoungJae - carefully not touching her - and settled down with his back to her. It didn't take him long to fall asleep.

 

"You called him?" YoungJae demanded the next morning, glaring at Jinon across the table. It wasn't a very effective glare, though. She was still pretty hung over. The rest of the group hadn't gotten up yet, something Jinon had counted on.

"He was worried," Jinon told her, nudging the glass of water closer to her. "And he knows."

"Why'd you tell him?" YoungJae demanded, sounding a bit more desperate.

"I didn't. He saw you leave."

YoungJae groaned and dropped his head on the table. "I'm so screwed."

Jinon chuckled wryly. She was here so she wouldn't get screwed. "He threatened me."

"He what?" YoungJae asked, voice muffled.

"Told me that if I make you cry, I'm dead."

YoungJae sat up, staring at him. "He said that?"

"Yes," Jinon said. "You doubted him?"

YoungJae tilted her head. "You'd say the same?"

"If it happened to one of mine? Damn straight."

YoungJae narrowed his eyes. "What would you do? In my case? If it were one of them, I mean," he added, gesturing to where the others still slept.

Jinon bit his lip. "Find you some place with women, and let you stay there. You could hide with them easier."

YoungJae frowned. "Women?"

"Yeah. A girl group or something like that. Someone I trusted."

"Huh."

"So. Drink your water, go to bed, think on that, and let me know what you decide," Jinon said, gesturing at the water glass.

YoungJae sighed, drank the water down (looking very male while doing that, which was just... odd), and got to her feet. She'd taken maybe two steps before she stopped and wavered. "Wow. That's... I think I'm drunk again."

Jinon got up and grabbed her elbow before she could fall over. "Bad side effect of drinking water with dried alcohol in your system," he said, walking her into the bedroom. "But it'll help you feel better the next time you wake up."

"That sounds good," she slurred, and more or less collapsed back into RaeHyun's bed. Jinon covered her again, and set about getting the others up.

 

YoungJae woke up feeling at least a little better and well aware that the others (he had no idea even how many, sort of embarrassing) had gone. He sat up - no matter what this body was, he was still male in his head - and glanced around. He didn't remember much from this morning when he'd first woken up other than the conversation with... whoever he was, and even less of their arrival last night. Which was pretty much what he'd wanted in the first place.

He ventured out of the bedroom, marveling at how small the place was, and into the kitchen. On the table he found a piece of paper with his name on it, and picked it up.

_Hey. I'm Jinon, in case you don't remember, with F.cuz. Just wanted to make sure you knew where you were, and how to get hold of me if you need to. I was serious about finding someone you could stay with, probably a girl - who knows how long you'll be like that, and you'll want to adjust or you'll go nuts. Call or text any time - you know the drill, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If you go, leave me a note? Good luck._

He'd left the address of the place and his own phone number, and YoungJae frowned. He vaguely remembered... no, he'd said Jinchul. Jinon was the stage name, right....

He sat there for a moment, then pulled out his phone and stared at the number of calls, voice mail messages, and texts he had from YongGuk. There might be some from the others, but mostly from him, and he probably got more threatening and more profane as the day wore on. He bit his lip and deleted everything. Then he paused a moment. Girls. Women. He had no idea if they would even be up for it, but he needed to talk to someone, and he knew the women of Secret, at least a little bit. Certainly more than anyone else he could possibly think of.

First things first: he programmed Jinon's number into his phone. He had the feeling he'd need it. Then he started to check through his contacts, to see if he had HyoSung's number in his phone. Or anyone else's.

By some miracle, not only did he have it, she was free and took the call. That's when he froze. How to explain this?

"Um... Noona, I woke up yesterday morning a girl." Right....

He scribbled a note to Jinchul and headed out the door to catch a cab. She sounded... like she believed him, but that made no sense. On the other hand, Jinchul had recognized him, so who knew. On the third hand, none of this made sense. Giving the address to the cabbie, he settled into the back seat and tried to figure out how this had happened, and why, and what he needed to do to get himself back to normal.

As far as he knew, he hadn't offended any witch, hadn't said something he shouldn't have about women, didn't treat them badly, nothing like that, and by the time he reached the dorm, his head hurt and spun and he wanted another nap.

Maybe one that would last forever, at this point?

Hyosung took one look at him and yanked him into their dorm, then just gaped at him. "You're still tall."

YoungJae stared back at her. "Yes?"

She shook herself and tugged him - gentler, this time - into the front room. "Have you talked to YongGukkie?"

"No."

"Why not?"

YoungJae just looked at her, trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. She sighed. "He's called me four or five times. He's really worried."

"I don't exactly sound like myself anymore," YoungJae finally said.

Hyosung grinned suddenly. "No, I guess you don't." She frowned. "We have to go soon, but...."

"I'll stay here, that's fine," YoungJae blurted, too fast to hide how desperate he was, and then flushed. "Sorry."

Hyosung patted his arm. "You can use my bed," she said. "You look like you could sleep."

"Please," YoungJae said.

Avoiding curious glances from the other three women, he collapsed on the bed Hyosung pointed out to him, and fell asleep before they left.

 

When they got home, Jinon found a note on the kitchen table. _Thanks. Found a place to stay. I'll get in touch with you later._ She signed it Jae. Close enough. Jinon put the note in his pocket with... a touch of regret. Still. This was better.

"Are you okay?" Kan asked later than evening.

Jinon turned to look at him. "What?"

"You're driving us all crazy, hyung," Kan told him. "Sit down somewhere."

Jinon shrugged and sat down next to him, for about a minute, and then got up again. Kan grabbed his arm and pulled him down. "Nope. Sit."

"So spill. Who is she?" YeJun asked.

DaeGeon turned off the TV. "The girl," he prompted at Jinon's blank look. "The one that slept in RaeHyun's bed."

"I know what girl," Jinon said, half amused. "She was someone who had... hit the bottle too hard. It hit back."

"She was pretty," RaeHyun said.

"Hot," Kan opined.

"You're not helping," Jinon said, and tried to get up again. Kan yanked him back to the couch. "I'd rather just forget."

YeJun bit his lip, something he did when he was trying not to laugh. "Smitten?"

"Or something," Jinon said. "And nothing I can do about it."

"You didn't get her number?" RaeHyun asked.

"Didn't ask."

"Why not?" DaeGeon demanded.

"I brought her here because she wanted to drink herself unconscious and I didn't want someone to take her home with him and make things worse. She won't associate me with anything good." Jinon regarded them, eyes narrowed. "That's my story. Can we drop it now?"

"If you can," RaeHyun said, and Jinon sighed.

 

It took three days for HyoSung to convince him to start to act like a girl. He resisted until she pointed out how easily his savior - she didn't know who had gotten him out of the bar - had known who he was and how lucky he was that the guy had been discrete. The clincher came when she told him he'd probably better stay in their dorm if he didn't learn.

That won him over. He'd already gotten twitchy because he couldn't get out. So he acquiesced to her suggestion and started to learn.

He didn't like it at all. There was so much. Somewhat embarrassingly, he found the make-up the easiest to adapt to. Her style was obviously different, but he decided he preferred it. The face in the mirror, after he'd done himself up, wasn't quite so disturbing. He looked like a girl, one that only vaguely resembled him, a shock very different from the first time he'd seen himself blond.

"It looks good," HyoSung said. The chorus of agreement that came from the doorway made him blush.

Still, he started to feel hemmed in, and about the time he thought he'd pull his hair out, the women told him to find someone to go out with and they'd help him dress. He agreed without considering what they might put him in.

So, all dressed up (literally, he about killed them all but he'd gotten desperate by now), ready to go out, Zinger stopped him. "You need a name."

"A... name."

"We can't just call you YoungJae, and neither can your date," JiEun agreed. "You need something else. A girl name."

"Can it be something like the one name I already have?" he asked.

SunHwa smiled. "Yes," she said. "NaYoung?"

"Perfect," HyoSung said, and kissed his cheek. "Have fun. Let me know when you get back."

YoungJae groaned. "You're as bad as hyung," he muttered, and they laughed. "I will."

 

Jinon's phone buzzed in his pocket one evening on the way home, and he looked at it, half awake.

_Going crazy, can I see you?_

He stared at his phone, brain finally kicking in. YoungJae?

 _Sure. When and where?_ he sent back.

"Who's that?" DaeGeon asked, and Jinon had to smile at how half asleep he seemed.

"Just a friend."

"What sort of friend?" DaeGeon asked, his voice slurring as he slipped further into sleep.

Jinon snorted. How to describe that? "An unexpected one."

 _An hour?_ The name of the restaurant was also familiar.

Yeah, he could do that. _See you then._

"You're going out?" YeJun asked, stopping JinChul before he could get his shoes on.

"Meeting someone for dinner," JinChul said.

YeJun leaned closer. "Her?"

"What?"

"You're evasive. That means it's that woman."

How the hell did he catch on so fast? JinChul snorted. "I didn't think you knew that word."

YeJun stared at him. "What word?"

"Evasive."

JinChul got out the door before his long-time friend had quite recovered from that jab. He'd pay for it later - probably from all four of them - but later was later. Right now, he had a date.

YoungJae's time with whoever she'd been with had paid off. This did not bode well for JinChul's peace of mind. No concealing sweats this time, she wore a skirt that fell to mid-thigh, exposing shapely legs, and a nice blouse. Make up had further softened her face, giving her only a vague resemblance to the man she'd been.

So not good for his peace of mind.

She smiled when she caught sight of him, and that was worse. He smiled back anyway and offered her his arm. At least he had some warning; the place was upscale so he'd changed. "You look amazing," he said, and she blushed.

"Thanks. I'm still not used to this."

"Where have you been?" Jinchul asked when they were seated in a quiet corner.

"With Secret," she said. "They even gave me a new name. NaYoung."

JinChul smiled. "It fits. And it's been good for you."

Her lips twisted. "I wish it weren't necessary."

"I bet." JinChul played with his glass. "Have you talked to YongGuk yet?"

"No." NaYoung shook her head. "He still calls, but I haven't answered. I think one of the noo... um, unni's have, though. He's not calling as often."

JinChul stilled at that slip. Right. That was a huge adjustment.

The waitress arrived and they ordered; as soon as that was done, NaYoung relaxed a little. "Thank you for meeting me," she said. "I haven't been out in a while, and I was going stir crazy.

Jinchul smiled and sipped his water. "I'm glad I could help."

The dinner went smoothly. It helped, honestly, that she (he?) still slipped up sometimes, forgetting which term to use for people or just moved wrong, and it was pretty glaring that she never called him anything at all. Which... he could understand. She was in a really rough situation, and he didn't want to make it harder on her.

 

YoungJae - NaYoung - found out she enjoyed Jinchul's company and somewhat ruthlessly exploited his willingness to meet her. Each of their dates showed YoungJae how much he'd improved. He could tell when he'd messed up, because JinChul would go still for just a moment. Chances were, if he weren't so hyper-sensitive to him, YoungJae wouldn't even notice.

He could feel himself changing, though. His thoughts changed, even, because each time they met, F.Cuz's leader became more and more attractive. He had no idea what to even think of that, or about the ideas that occasionally came into his head. And... slowly, but surely, he became more of a she in her own mind.

"You look troubled," Jieun said softly from the kitchen doorway.

NaYoung (when had that changed in her head?) looked up from the glass she studied. "I can't sleep," she said. "Why are you up?"

"Can't sleep either." JiEun got herself a drink and sat down next to NaYoung. "What are you thinking about?"

"A... guy."

Jieun smiled. "Your savior."

"Yes," NaYoung said, playing with her glass the way she'd seen Jinchul do it. He never seemed to notice, needing something for his hands to do while the rest of his attention was on her. Wait. Not thinking about that. "I just... it's very confusing."

"What is?"

"He's really good looking. Not even really pretty, but handsome." She had to bite her lip to stop.

JiEun took a drink of her water. "A change, then."

"Yes. Is this even good?"

JiEun smiled. "How could it be bad?"

NaYoung gaped at her. "How? How could it be good?" she asked, and thumped her head on the table.

JiEun laughed softly. "Well, I think it means things are progressing nicely."

NaYoung sat up again. "I don't know if I want them progressing that far," she murmured. "It's sort of... disturbing.

"How far?" Jieun asked.

"I don't know. I don't look at guys."

Jieun touched her arm. "YoungJae didn't. It's okay for NaYoung to. People will think you're weird if you don't."

"I think I'm weird if I do," NaYoung muttered, and sighed. "It's really okay?"

"I think so," JiEun said. "But you'll have to decide if it is for you."

NaYoung sighed again. Couldn't someone decide all these things for her?

 

The rest of F.Cuz adjusted to Jinchul randomly vanishing one or two evenings a week - when he could - and then working himself (and sometimes them) into exhaustion as the slips NaYoung made came less and less, the maleness of YoungJae fading away. It started to make their time together really uncomfortable, at least for him. It came as a complete surprise when JinChul realized that he couldn't remember the last time he wanted someone as much as he wanted NaYoung. He knew he'd regret it if he did anything (in the form of B.A.P.'s leader going insane, among other things), so he kept himself firmly under control. He couldn't tell how much of what she did was purely accidental and how much was calculated to drive him crazy, and he spent nights trying to figure it out - since going to sleep as soon as he got home became impossible.

Jinchul was just glad that, no matter what the rest of the group might have thought, they didn't tease him about it, and he managed not to scream his frustration. Somehow. Working himself into the ground every night... sort of helped.

It surprised him that they never seemed to run out of things to talk about, even once they got off the topic of music and away from the restaurant. That didn't happen often, he usually didn't have time, but tonight was an exception. The night was nice, and he suggested a walk. The park was beautiful in the moonlight, NaYoung no less so. He'd apparently miscalculated, though, because she pressed against his arm, shivering, so he put it and his jacket around her.

She turned her head to look at him. "Thanks," she said, and he froze, noticing just how close they were. Not that he didn't even not notice. She was always close.

"You're welcome. Um...." How to ask this without freaking her out? Or... freaking out the man she used to be? This was getting confusing.

"Yes?" Her breath brushed across his cheek and he swallowed.

"Are you trying to drive me crazy?"

She stepped in front of him, making him stop, pressing herself against him, still shivering. Her arms lay loosely around his waist, and he put his around her in reflex. "Am I?"

"Yes," Jinchul said, not sure how his voice didn't squeak or anything else embarrassing. "So far the guys haven't killed me, but...."

NaYoung smiled. "But?"

"I'm sure it's coming."

"So, kiss me and make it worth whatever they do to you."

Jinchul stared at her, eyes wide. He hadn't expected that. "Kiss you?"

"Or do more," she said, sounding reasonable. "There's a love hotel not too far from here."

If six week ago she hadn't been YoungJae, he might have taken her up on it. She'd adjusted almost completely, but still, she made mistakes, if so much less that he wouldn't notice if he didn't know. She shivered against him, and Jinchul almost said yes. "I'm not sure that's a good idea," he said instead.

"Why not?" She still sounded reasonable.

"Because you're not you. Not exactly yourself." He could barely think.

"I am me," NaYoung said, frustrated.

"Yes," Jinchul murmured. "But I still... I can't do that to you."

"Do what?"

Jinchul didn't know why he didn't push her away, except that she still shivered. "You don't know if you're YoungJae or NaYoung," he said. "Or even which you want to be."

"I just want someone to choose for me," she insisted.

Jinchul hugged her tighter. "I know. But they can't." I can't. I won't.

NaYoung rested her head on his shoulder - something she did when they were waiting together - and relaxed. It took JinChul a moment to realize she was crying. "I'm sorry," he murmured, and then just held her in silence.

She pulled herself together a while later, lifting her head from his shoulder. "I should go," she murmured without looking at him.

"Can I get you a cab?" Jinchul asked.

"Please." NaYoung pulled away from him and JinCHul let her go, offering his arm. She took it and they walked through the park to the street. She kept her head down, and he walked on her left side, so he couldn't see even part of her face. JinChul waved down a cab, in a daze that he didn't quite understand. He opened the door for her and she handed him his jacket before climbing in. "Do you ever get tired of being a gentleman?" she asked, and pulled the door closed herself. The cab pulled away from the curb and he watched it go until it blended into the rest of the cars and he lost sight of it.

"Yes," he murmured. He pulled his jacket on and stuck his hands in the pockets, head hanging as he headed for home.

Inside, he hung up his jacket, kicked his shoes off, and padded into the bedroom. He sat down on YeJun's bed - this was one time he wished he had his own - and rubbed his face.

"What happened?" Kan asked from the upper bunk on the other bed.

"I made her cry," Jinchul mumbled.

"Why?"

JinChul snorted and got up. "Being too much of a gentleman. Can you get the others to bed? I'm going to take a shower."

"Sure." Kan started to climb down. "Hot or cold?"

JinChul groaned, grabbed his towel, and left.

 

NaYoung had finished crying by the time she got back to the dorm. She managed to tell HyoSung she was back without letting on how she felt, changed into pajamas, and curled up in her bed.

She'd done everything right. Jinchul hadn't frozen once, and she knew - she couldn't have said how - that he wanted her. She had _no_ doubt. And he'd still said no. Trying to figure it all out - and regretting the last, hasty comment, said more out of anger and an attempt to hurt him as much as she hurt - helped her fall asleep faster than she would have believed.

It still caught her completely off guard when she burst into tears after JiEun asked how the date went. JiEun immediately hugged her and pulled her into the bathroom, the only private room in the dorm. There, she sat NaYoung on the closed toilet and helped her clean up and calm down. Then she leaned against the wall. "Tell me."

NaYoung didn't - couldn't - hold anything back, the whole story spilling out, including who JinChul was. She felt completely empty by the end of it, her tears spent.

"First - you're right. He's not just handsome, he's _hot_ ," JiEun said. "No, I won't tell anyone. But for the record? I'm jealous. Second..." She sighed and knelt down, one hand resting on NaYoung's knee. "NaYoung, you'd have hated him if your plan worked. Or worse, hated yourself."

"I don't want this!" NaYoung wailed, slumping further. "I want to stop being caught between like this! I want to just... forget."

JiEun hugged her. "I know. But that's not a direction you want to go unless you really can accept that you might be stuck like this forever."

NaYoung jerked back and stared at her, stunned. "No. I can't! I can't be...."

JiEun pressed her fingers to NaYoung's plump lips. "I know. That's what I mean, though. Until you can accept it, pulling JinChul into this like that isn't really fair. What he's done so far was nice, but to take it farther could be just cruel."

"I don't know what else to do," NaYoung murmured into Jieun's shoulder a moment later. "Part of me just... wants him, wants that sort of thing. Part of me wants to run screaming at the idea, and that's fading, and I don't know if that's good."

JiEun pulled back at a knock at the door, and NaYoung sighed, knowing what that meant. "That's what you need to decide," she said gently. "We have to start getting ready. You should probably go back to sleep. You look exhausted."

NaYoung didn't try to deny it, and went back into the bedroom to curl up in her bed again. She barely heard HyoSung saying something about a boy making YoungJae cry just before she fell asleep.

She felt a little better when she woke up again, later that afternoon, and sat in the kitchen to think over what JiEun said. JiEun was right. Time to decide what to do with what she had.

 

It would surprise Jinon if NaYoung ever called him back. On the other hand, getting the call from YongGuk the next morning didn't surprise him at all.

"They said you made her cry," B.A.P.'s leader growled.

"Yes," Jinon said, padding into the kitchen for some semblance of privacy, anyway. He had no idea how loud YongGuk might get during this conversation.

"Why?" He sounded pretty mad.

"YoungJae wanted a kiss. I said no."

YoungGuk said nothing for a moment. "Huh." At least he sounded like he calmed down.

"I don't want to add to the confusion," Jinon said lamely. "It's not good for any of us." He didn't add the rest of the proposition, not willing to get him angry again.

"No."

"I have to go. We're leaving soon, and... I'm pretty sure no one's up yet."

YongGuk snorted. "Good luck," he said, and hung up.

Jinon tucked his phone in his pocket and went to get the others moving.

A week went by without anything from NaYoung. No one said anything as he worked them hard, but no harder than normal (hopefully that was why no one said anything). He had nothing to say during the rides to and from whatever activity they had scheduled. Back at the dorm, he usually slumped on the couch and stared blankly at the dark TV screen, not even bothering to try to find something to watch.

"Hyung?"

Jinon looked up at YeJun, who stood in front of him, blocking his view. He straightened. "Hey. What's up?"

YeJun sat next to him, close enough for them to brush shoulders. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You're moody, quiet, withdrawn, and haven't gone out on your own for a while. Did you have a fight with her?"

Jinon laughed mirthlessly. "Sort of, I guess. She wanted something I couldn't...." Could. It would have been so easy. "Wouldn't give her."

"Why not?"

Jinon shifted, leaning on YeJun a bit. "She's going through a rough time," he said. "I really didn't want to add to it."

YeJun hugged him. "It'll work out. Do you want to see her again?"

"I'd just like to know she's okay. She hasn't texted me back or called, so I hope she's okay. I guess she's still mad." At least he hadn't gotten another threatening call from YongGuk....

"Is she alone?"

"Not... exactly." Although Secret were busy, too.

"What does that mean?"

Jinon laughed. "I have no idea." he said, and tousled YeJun's hair.

"Hyung!" YeJun whined, and tried to fix his hair.

Jinon grinned and leaned back, relaxed, a least a little bit. He felt better. Leave it to YeJun to help him feel better. He put his hand up to tousle the magnae's hair again, only to have YeJun turn on him and wrestle it back down, grinning. That started a fight that eventually drew the rest of them in, and Jinon slept better than he had in weeks.

His mood lifted even better a couple of days later when he got a text from Jae. _Dinner tomorrow night?_

He checked his schedule, frowning at his hands when he noticed they trembled. _Yes. 21:00?_ He named a semi-formal restaurant.

_See you then._

He must be out of his mind. Jinon went to check to make sure he had clean clothes to wear.

 

NaYoung was waiting when JinChul arrived, and it took all his self control (which did not bode well for the evening) not to drop his jaw and stare at her. The last outfit had been stunning. This took his breath away. A yellow sundress swirled around her knees when she moved. A light, white shawl around her shoulders accentuated her creamy skin and the swell of her breasts. "Hi," he said, managing not to sound completely idiotic (somehow). "You look amazing."

She smiled. "Thank you."

They went inside, and he was grateful that for once he'd thought to get a reservation. The hostess sat them at a small table in a dim corner, and then left them alone. Conversation flowed easily, and Jinchul actually forgot that the woman next to him hadn't started life as a female and didn't know why she currently was. Already attracted to her - and no longer just for her body, either - her touches on his arm to get his attention, her leg brushing against his when she turned to him to listen, all just built up and built up and he thought he might go crazy.

"No," he said suddenly, and she looked at him, startled.

"No what?"

"Just... what are you doing to me?"

"Seducing you."

He gaped at her, and she gently shut his jaw. Her touch burned. "Why?" he stammered, and something in his head that sounded a lot like Kan yelled "are you nuts?!"

NaYoung's perfect, lush lips twisted for just an instant. "I'm so tired," she said softly. "I'm tired of being caught between who I was and who I am. I just wanted to sing, you know? I was willing to deal with the rest, but this..." she gestured at her body "this didn't come with the contract. And I don't even care anymore," she added wearily, her fingers twisting together. "If I can't go back to being B.A.P.'s YoungJae - or even just plain Yoo YoungJae - I'll take being NaYoung with a whole new set of memories, or even amnesia. It'd be better than what I've got now. But this being caught in between is killing me and I want to... I don't know. Accept that I might be like this for the rest of my life." Her eyes met his and he could feel himself falling. "I'd like to know that it wouldn't be so bad, to be stuck like this. Help me? Please?"

Jinchul swallowed, still caught. "Okay," he said, and very probably damned himself.

NaYoung smiled, slow and sensual, and JinChul groaned, closing his eyes. "We should go," she murmured, her hand light on his arm. Her breath tickled his ear, and he opened his eyes to see she'd leaned closer to him.

"Yes."

It seemed to take forever to pay their bill, find a taxi, and get to a hotel, but even then, the door locked against the world, he took it slow, careful, gentle. He couldn't have even said why it mattered so much to him that this experience was good for her. And then nothing mattered but the woman under his hands.

"Thank you," NaYoung murmured into his shoulder as they stood outside the hotel, waiting for the cabs he'd ordered.

Jinchul laughed softly. "You're welcome," he said. "Thank you."

She laughed as well, but said nothing else, squeezing him gently when the first cab arrived. He let her go and put her into the cab, brushing his hand across her cheek in good bye. She smiled and he shut the door and she was gone.

The others were asleep when he got home. He stood for a moment in the bedroom doorway, and then decided he didn't want to try to explain himself to whoever he woke up when he got in bed. He went back to the front room, curled up on the couch, and fell asleep almost immediately.

 

"Time to wake up," HyoSung murmured in NaYoung's ear. "I don't think you should stay here anymore."

NaYoung slowly opened her eyes, trying to make sense of that. "What?" Her voice came out lower than usual, and she cleared her throat.

"YongGukkie's expecting you this morning."

Still half asleep, NaYoung sat up... and then stopped. Wait a minute, her body felt very different....

"Welcome back, YoungJae," HyoSung said, and she'd never called her that since she'd decided taken her new name after deciding to become the girl her body was. More confused than ever, NaYoung nearly burst into tears again.

JiEun waited for the cab with her. "You decided," she said.

"I thought...." Hearing her old voice startled her more than getting used to her new one. "I thought it'd be better to be what I was," NaYoung said. "I wanted... I would have stayed with him."

"And now?"

"And now I'm YoungJae again, and I have to unlearn all that... and what if he hates me? What if there was nothing else between us?"

JiEun hugged her, letting her go when the cab pulled up. "I'd say there is something else. Call him. Text him. And next time we're all in the same area, introduce me. Please."

NaYoung - no, she (he?) had to get used to YoungJae again, and had to start thinking of herself as male - managed a small smile. "I promise," she said.

His arrival back at the dorm caused an uproar that YongGuk crushed immediately by sending him to talk to the manager. Manager Kang gave him a stern talking to, including everything he'd have to do (or couldn't do for a while). He accepted it all without hesitation. After all, he had his dream back. Right?

He worked hard to catch up to the others, didn't complain, sleeping as soon as he fell into bed. He was glad, too. It meant he had no time to think. He didn't want to think.

The transition back to male took a much shorter time out of necessity, but he still occasionally slipped up. Now he watched DaeHyun - although without the same intensity - to see where he'd messed up so he could fix it.

The date of their comeback loomed ever closer, and YoungJae threw himself into the preparations, blocking out everything else. But by then he was... more or less back to normal. Aside from the feeling that his life was empty. Well... emptier.

In their dressing room, getting ready to perform, a familiar voice from the screen on the wall made him start and look up. Wait, F.Cuz was here too? He watched the performance, reduced to catching glimpses of it when it was his turn for hair (thankfully no more blond and much shorter) and makeup. He glanced at YongGuk when the performance ended and the stylist turned him loose. YongGuk grinned and shoved him out the door. YoungJae didn't hesitate, taking the slight freedom and heading for the backstage area.

 

The news of YoungJae's return blared from the radio on the way into the studio the next morning, and Jinon rubbed his eyes as he straightened. No one knew where he'd been or why he'd left, or so the news reported, but his apology would be done in public later that afternoon.

"I didn't know he was gone," YeJun said.

Jinon snickered. "You were pretty distracted," he said.

"You knew?" Kan asked.

"Sure. YongGuk called to ask if I'd seen him."

"You didn't tell us?" RaeHyun asked.

Jinon smirked. "Discretion."

"Like with that girl," DaeGeon said. "You got in late last night, hyung."

"Said good-bye," Jinon said casually. He hadn't known it at the time, but still. "She decided Seoul wasn't for her."

No one responded to that, and he went back to staring out the window, trying to sort out his feelings. When he hadn't come to any kind of conclusion by the time they got to the studio for rehearsal, he firmly pushed it out of his mind. At least now he had something else to think about that didn't involve someone very confusing. He strode purposefully into the studio, put his bag down, and went to turn the music on, something nice and upbeat for their warm ups. He needed the distraction.

Behind him, YeJun groaned when the music started. "We're going to die," he said.

Jinon snorted. "No, but you might wish you could."

"That's not any better," YeJun protested.

"It's worse," Kan said, stretching to warm up. "It means there's no relief in sight. If we were going to die, at least that would be an end."

"That's not helpful," DaeGeon muttered.

RaeHyun laughed. "You _still_ expect Kan to be helpful, hyung?" he asked, and DaeGeon stuck his tongue out at him.

Jinon smirked and started his own stretches.

Life eased up after that. Jinon settled into a rhythm of staying late at the studio to work on anything and everything to keep his mind from straying in directions he didn't want it to go because there was no use it letting it go there. Sometimes he acted close to normal, and those times came more and more often. Eventually, the times he brooded about a blond he could talk to about anything for hours became more the exception than the rule.

The last few weeks they'd spent rehearsing for a comeback, concentrating so hard that none of them realized they would be promoting at the same time as B.A.P. Jinon only realized it when he heard the familiar rumble of YongGuk's voice outside their dressing room. In the middle of fastening his jacket, he froze.

"Hyung?" RaeHyun asked.

Jinon snapped to attention, blinking at him. "What?"

"They want us. Are you okay?"

Jinon smiled, the professional smile he used for press, and finished the rest of his buttons. "I'm fine. Let's go."

"You're not," Kan said quietly, grabbing his arm when he started forward.

Jinon turned to look at him. "I can't afford not to be," he said, and pulled free of him to grab YeJun, pushing him toward the door. As usual, it got the rest of them moving, and he took up the rear, pulling his stage name and everything the company had made him tight around him into a costume more complete than the stage clothes he wore. Anything to get through this without trying to analyze why he felt the way he did.

Their part went well, almost easy, even DaeGeon, who'd had problems until yesterday, carried it off with style. They loitered backstage, staying out of the way of those who really had a reason to be there. Jinon caught more than one glance in his direction from the rest of F.Cuz, but they immediately looked away when he looked back. Usually he sent them back to their dressing room immediately, and he couldn't have said (not even to himself) what he waited for.

"Hyung!" an almost familiar voice called, and he snapped to attention, looking toward the call. He smiled, a real smile. Oh. That.

"YoungJae!"

Then he had his arms full of B.A.P.'s lead vocalist, and he relaxed, hugging him. YoungJae hugged back, his arms resting comfortably around Jinon's waist, his head on Jinon's shoulder, and all was right with the world.

Jinon didn't question that. Or that he didn't miss the curves.

"You're okay?" he asked after a while, when everyone else had turned their attention elsewhere (even if they got their fair share of strange looks).

"Mostly," YoungJae murmured. "DaeHyun still looks at me weird when I do something particularly feminine, but those are getting rarer." His voice was muffled but still clear.

Jinon chuckled. "But you're happy?"

YoungJae lifted his head and smiled. "Yeah."

"YoungJae! We're up!" YongGuk called.

YoungJae reluctantly let go. "I have to. Yeah. Um. Thank you," he stammered. "For everything."

"You're welcome," Jinon said, letting him go just as reluctantly. "Kill 'em all."

YoungJae laughed. "Yes, sir," he said in a muted version of their signature introduction, complete with salute, and then strode toward YongGuk and the rest of the group. Jinon watched them go and then turned to find the rest of his group. It was time to get out of there.

"Okay, what was that?" Kan demanded, back in their dressing room.

Jinon pulled off his shirt. "What?"

"YoungJae," DaeGeon said. "When did you two get so close?"

Jinon looked at him blankly, reaching for his own t-shirt. "What?"

"Last I heard - knew - you didn't know any of B.A.P," Kan said. "You looked awfully cozy with YoungJae."

"Cozy is a good word," RaeHyun said. "That wasn't just a hug, that was..." He shook his head.

"That was a greeting of long time friendship after an extended absence," YeJun supplied. "But...."

"Yeah. Back to DaeGeon-hyung's original question," Kan said. "When did you two get so close?"

"Are you done analyzing it?" Jinon asked dryly, fastening his belt.

Yejun stared at him. "... sure?"

"It's none of your business," Jinon said. "Let's go. I'm tired."

Kan snorted. "Hah. You'll crack." But he did start getting his things together.

Jinon was not entirely surprised to find YeJun shadowing his steps the next little while. He tolerated it. YeJun was softer than Kan, and as soon as he chased the magnae away, he'd have to deal with Kan. And he really didn't want to.

"Hyung?"

"Hm?" Jinon looked up from his tablet, then set it aside. YeJun looked serious. "What?"

"Are you okay?"

Jinon laughed. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're not acting very like yourself." YeJun held up a hand before Jinon could say anything. "Like either of you."

Oh. Jinon stared at him, stunned. "I'm not?"

YeJun shook his head. "Not at all."

"I'm not exactly sure how to take that," Jinon told him.

"Well, now you know, so you can fix it."

Jinon grinned at him. "Don't you mean 'And knowing is half the battle'?" he teased.

YeJun stared at him, then rolled his eyes. "You are an idiot, hyung," he said.

"As if you didn't know that, YeJun," Jinon said, copying him exactly, right down to the eye roll. He had to run to avoid YeJun's swing at him.

 

"You look bored out of your mind."

YongGuk's voice startled YoungJae and he looked up sharply, fumbling a little to keep from dropping his phone. "A little," he said, when he had his phone firmly in hand again.

YongGuk laughed. "You look like you want to pull your hair out."

"Or DaeHyun's," YoungJae said.

"So... why don't you text your friend and see if he'll meet you somewhere."

YoungJae stared at him, hand gripping the phone tighter as his mind went straight to JinChul and the thoughts YongGuk had interrupted. "I can't," he said, keeping his voice even with an effort. "Manager Kang isn't ready to let me out on my own yet."

"I never said you should go out on your own," YongGuk said, dropping down on the couch next to YoungJae. "He'll let you go with me."

YoungJae's stomach did a flip. "But you...."

"I trust Jinon," YongGuk said, and YoungJae tried not to blush. "I trust him with you. I'll be around, but you'll have privacy. Manager Kang is a good guy, but I don't think he quite gets it."

"Are you sure?" YoungJae asked, his stomach no longer satisfied with one little flip. It distracted him from wondering how YongGuk knew he'd been thinking about JinChul.

"Yes. You set it up with your friend, let me know, and I'll okay it with Manager Kang."

YoungJae smiled. "Thanks, hyung," he murmured, and didn't notice when YongGuk left, trying to figure out what he wanted to send. He finally just said what was on his mind.

_Going crazy, can I see you? ___

The answer came back immediately. _Sounds familiar. When and where?_

YoungJae glared at his shaking hands. _21:00... I'll get back to you on the place?_

_Okay._

YoungJae scrambled off the couch and went to find YongGuk. "I didn't know where he'd let me go, even with you along," he explained, trying to look casual. He probably failed, considering the amusement in his hyung's eyes.

"Good point," YongGuk said. "Give me a minute." He started toward his phone, then stopped and turned. "When?"

"21:00, tonight."

YongGuk grinned at him. "You move fast."

YoungJae flushed again. "Well... we usually didn't make any plans in advance," he admitted. "Not to mention making plans in advance means they'll get cancelled."

"You have a point," YongGuk said, tousled his hair, and went to talk to Manager Kang. YoungJae didn't even protest it, too nervous to do more than pace the front room, waiting. He looked up when Yongguk returned, smiling in response to his smile. "He said wherever, as long as we're back by 22:30."

YoungJae nodded and went back to his phone, quickly offering a suitable place to meet, and added his curfew.

 _See you there_ , Jinchul sent back, and YoungJae relaxed a bit.

He had to admit that Jinchul had been on his mind a lot lately, especially since they'd crossed paths backstage. Even if it were just to himself.

Time seemed to crawl, especially since, he realized, he didn't have to worry about makeup, or special clothes, or.... Well, yeah, he could dress up some. He went into the room and started to look for... something.

Maybe he would rather have the women from Secret dress him. This was hopeless.

The bedroom door opened and YoungJae glanced in that direction, hoping it wasn't DaeHyun. Anyone else he could deal with.

"Yongguk sent me," Himchan said easily, smiling. "He said you might need some help."

"Did he say what for?" YoungJae asked warily.

"Just that he was sneaking you out to meet someone. Or something like that."

YoungJae slumped in relief. "Yeah, something like that. And I don't want to show up like... this." The memory of Jinchul's face, when they'd met the last time YoungJae was NaYoung, flashed across his mind. Apparently, some things hadn't changed, because he wanted to see that same expression because of him, as YoungJae. Not today, maybe, but... some time.

"He told me where you were going, so we'll start there," Himchan said cheerfully, and pulled YoungJae into the closet with him.

They emerged some time later (plenty of time, Himchan promised), clothes folded in YoungJae's arms, mind not stuffed full advice. Thankfully. Also not frustrated from dealing with questions, or too stressed. Himchan was as restful as JiEun.

YoungJae dressed carefully, managed to keep his short hair from looking utterly ridiculous, and presented himself in front of Himchan, only a little nervous.

Himchan smiled. "You look good," he said. "Have fun."

YoungJae bowed. "Thank you, hyung," he said, and went to find YongGuk.

He found himself waiting for Jinchul again. He didn't mind, really. He had a lot of reasons to arrive early.

He caught sight of Jinchul and smiled, both glad to see him and amused that now that YoungJae wasn't blond, Jinchul was. Jinchul smiled back, that lifting of one side of his mouth, and YoungJae's stomach flipped.

Quite a few things hadn't changed.

That included how safe he felt in Jinchul's arms. It had become habit to nestle into the crook of his neck, arms looped around his waist. "Hey." Jinchul's voice rumbled in his chest. "Still on a short leash?"

"Chain," YoungJae murmured. "Complete with handler. YongGuk hyung's around here somewhere, and I have a curfew. 22:30."

Jinchul rubbed his back. "We can work with that. Hungry?"

"Yes."

"Let's go in, then."

YoungJae sighed and reluctantly let go. Jinchul did as well, only to rest his hand in the small of YoungJae's back as they walked into the restaurant.

The evening went as easily as YoungJae remembered their dates going. Conversation flowed easily, without stops, and it came as a complete surprise when his phone rang.

"Problems?" Jinchul asked when he hung up and signaled the waiter.

"I have to go," YoungJae said, disappointed. "I have to meet hyung in front in five minutes."

With a startled look, Jinchul checked his watch. "Wow. Time flies," he said.

"Yes," YoungJae said. It took no time to pay the check, and Jinchul's hand rested in the small of his back again as they walked out. It spead warmth through his whole body.

YongGuk didn't look too impatient, waiting out front for them. "Call me - or text, whichever - next time you get a reprieve," Jinchul said, leaning closer.

"I will. Thanks, hyung," YoungJae murmured, and with one last hug, followed YongGuk to his car.

"You look better," YongGuk said into the silence, one they'd pulled into traffic. "Nice evening?"

"Yeah," YoungJae said, glancing over at him. "Thanks, hyung. For helping me do this."

YongGuk patted his knee before putting his hand back on the wheel. "You're welcome."

 

"Who'd you go meet?" RaeHyun asked when Jinchul stepped into the bedroom.

Jinchul laughed. "Just a friend," he said.

YeJun peered up at him from his bunk, eyes narrowed. "You said she left."

Jinchul lifted one eye brow at him. "She did." Technically.

"I don't believe it," Kan opined.

"Why not?" DaeGeon asked, joining in the conversation from his bunk. He looked half asleep.

"Because he looks just like he did when he came back from meeting her," YeJun said.

"Not exactly," RaeHyun said, and smirked at the other four.

"No?" YeJun asked.

"Nope," RaeHyun said, and relaxed in his bed. Jinchul laughed softly and started to change.

"Prove it."

"At practice tomorrow. Proof then," RaeHyun said.

"Then?" YeJun protested. "Why not now?"

"Because it'll be more obvious then," RaeHyun said.

Kan snorted. "How are we going to know?" he asked.

"I think you'll know," RaeHyun said.

"That doesn't help us know who he met tonight," YeJun said.

"True," Kan said, turning sharp eyes on Jinchul. "So?"

"I told you," Jinchul said quietly, pulling a tank top over his head. "A friend."

"Male or female?" DaeGeon asked.

"Male," Jinchul said.

It silenced them all long enough for him to escape to the bathroom to wash his face and get ready for bed.

Halfway through the next day, Kan threw up his hands. "Okay, RaeHyun-hyung, you're right."

Startled by the statement, Jinon turned to him. "What?"

"It's not the same as when you were meeting that woman."

"He's right," YeJun said, and frowned. "How?"

RaeHyun shrugged. "He just looks less stressed."

"He got laid," DaeGeon said.

In the middle of taking a drink of water, Jinon choked. Trying to catch his breath, with help from slaps on the back from RaeHyun, he could hear some conversation between the others, trying to figure out when this started, but couldn't really follow it.

Kan turned to him suddenly. "Is that what you mean by 'saying good-bye'?" he asked, one of his more frightening smiles on his face.

YeJun burst into laughter. "It is. look at him."

JInon finally caught his breath, grateful for Raehyun's help, giving one last cough to get the water out of his lungs. "Of all the stupid...." he finally gasped.

"We won't ask for details," DaeGeon said, serenely, and glared at Kan when he opened his mouth to protest. Jinon decided that while Kan could look devious, he needed to watch out for DaeGeon.

Two weeks later, his phone buzzed. Caller ID said it was from YoungJae, and Jinon couldn't stop the smile that lifted one corner of his mouth.

 _Yes_ , he responded. _It'll be late. 21:00 okay? Curfew this time?_

_Yes, but later. Still with keeper._

Hm. not too much of a surprise, not considering how long YoungJae spent as NaYoung. He glanced at YeJun, curled against the side of the van, and then grinned. _Can you meet me that late?_

_Yes. Curfew is 23:00. Hyung is really trying for me._

I'll have to thank him. Jinon suggested a cafe they'd met at once.

YoungJae's answer didn't come until sometime during the interview they had that afternoon. Jinon checked his phone before changing into street clothes. _Perfect. See you around 21:00._

Now... how to get out without being followed.

If asked, he couldn't have said how he managed, either, but he did. He smiled involuntarily to see YoungJae waiting for him. He looked good in jeans and a light blue polo, and his answering smile did funny things to Jinchul's insides. "You always get here first. How do you do that?" he asked as he hugged YoungJae to him.

YoungJae laughed, nestling his head in the crook of Jinchul's neck. "It's the only freedom I have right now," he said, his voice muffled only a little by Junchul's shirt. "And before, I didn't dare go out by myself."

"It's getting better?" Jinchul asked a few moments later as they waited for their table.

"Yes," YoungJae said, hands stuck in his pockets. "Slowly, little by little, but yeah. It's getting better."

"Good. By your handler you mean YongGuk is around tonight?"

"Yes," YoungJae said. "Somewhere."

The waitress led them to a table, and Jinchul relaxed, leaning back in his seat. "He's discrete. I appreciate that."

They'd gotten their food - just dessert tonight - when YoungJae sobered and caught his eye. "You knew exactly what to say to me," he said softly. "You knew what I was going through. I don't even understand how you could tell it was me, that first night in the bar."

Jinchul grimaced, then smiled wryly. "I shouldn't tell you without his permission," he said, playing with his glass again. "It happened to YeJun."

YoungJae gaped at him. "W-when?"

Jinchul bit his lip. "Just over a year ago. After Kan's accident. We had to cut promotions for 'Wanna Be Your Love' short, and then YeJun woke up one morning like you did, and LeeU left. We were such a mess. I was," he amended. "YeJun was smaller than you, though. That first outfit you tried? It would have worked on him. Did. We could hide his change, and being in Japan helped. A lot of people wrote off his strange behavior as being in a foreign country." He paused when the waitress reappeared with a refill for his drink, and he sipped at it until she went away again. "He was miserable. One of the wardrobe ladies figured it out, and being a discrete and wonderful woman, took over the job of helping him. It was weird, but it helped him come to grips with the whole thing. I don't know what happened, but just before we came back to start working with DaeGeon and RaeHyun, he was himself again. Or a him again, whichever. That's part of the reason we were gone so long. And, I think, part of the reason LeeU left when he did."

YoungJae winced. "I bet that wasn't good," he murmured.

"It didn't help," Jinchul agreed. "Kan felt guilty, YeJun felt guilty, and I didn't because I was so busy just trying to keep them and F.Cuz together - which did make me feel guilty. Like I said. A mess."

"You recovered well," YoungJae said, and Jinchul smiled at him.

"Thanks. And all that helped me help you, so I guess it was worth it."

YoungJae's hand covered his, maybe not as soft as NaYoung's, but still warm and definitely welcome. "Are they still curious? About where you go and who you meet?"

"Dying," Jinchul said wryly. "I expect they'll all follow me one day."

YoungJae laughed. "Then maybe you should tell them."

"It'll explain things to YeJun and Kan, but DaeGeon and RaeHyun will be confused. Still, even a couple off my back will help." Jinchul curled his fingers around YoungJae's. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

It took a fair amount of self control not to lean over and kiss him, and Jinchul smiled to cover his sudden desire. "Thank you. Up for a walk?"

YoungJae smiled. "I'd love it." He texted YongGuk about their change of plans as JinChul settled the bill, then they set off down the street toward a small park not too far away. The conversation, on a completely different topic, flowed nicely, and Jinchul could feel the same pull he felt toward NaYoung. It figured - same person, just a different body configuration. He pulled YoungJae to a stop in a dark and more secluded section of the part, serious as YoungJae turned to face him. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No," Jinchul said. He brushed his hand up YoungJae's arm, over his shoulder, to rest against his neck. YoungJae leaned into the touch, and that gave Jinchul some hope. "But I'd like to kiss you."

YoungJae smiled. "I thought you'd never ask." He moved forward the same time Jinchul did, and Jinchul lost his heart a second time to the same person.

 

They were waiting for him when he got home, and Jinchul merely smirked at them. "So... did you meet the same guy?" Kan asked.

"Yes," Jinchul said, pulling off his shirt to change into pajamas.

"Who is it?" YeJun asked.

Jinchul pulled his tank top on and leaned casually against the bed, making sure he could see them all. "YoungJae."

Stunned silence. He waited, suppressing a smile.

"Wait, from B.A.P?" DaeGeon asked, confused.

"When did you guys get so close?" RaeHyun demanded.

"Since I brought him home, drunk," Jinchul said, his eyes firmly on YeJun."

"You never brought him...." Kan started.

"That's who that was?" YeJun demanded, interrupting. Jinchul nodded. YeJun laughed, sounding a little wild. "At least I'm not the only one."

"That was him?" Kan demanded suddenly, and swore softly. "No wonder he disappeared."

"Exactly," Jinchul said. "That's why... everything."

"What?" RaeHyun asked, his gaze going between YeJun and Jinchul - he'd have included Kan, but he lay on the bunk directly above RaeHyun.

YeJun smiled, still looking a little wild. "Remember what I told you, about why we were gone so long after... everything?"

RaeHyun nodded, and Jinchul glanced at YeJun, surprised. He hadn't heard about this conversation. "Yeah," DaeGeon added.

"So that girl that hyung brought home and put in RaeHyun-hyung's bed? She wasn't always a girl."

"Isn't a girl anymore," JinChul added.

RaeHyun's eyes widened. "YoungJae?" he gasped, and Daegeon stared.

"Yes. Please keep it quiet," Jinchul said.

"Oh, yeah," RaeHyun said. "Definitely."

"And now, bed. Early day tomorrow," Jinchul reminded them, and grinned at the chorus of groans.

YeJun grabbed his arm when he came back from turning lights off and everything else, and pulled him over to his bed. "Sleep here, hyung," he murmured.

Jinon didn't protest, and stretched out next to his younger friend. He'd nearly fallen asleep when YeJun nudged him back awake. "Hyung," he murmured.

"Hm?"

"Did you sleep with her? Really?"

The question jolted him awake. "Yeah," he said. "Why?"

"Why did you?"

Jinon breathed in, remembering his reasons. "I was very attracted to her," he started. "She was beautiful, and funny. We could talk about almost anything. There wasn't much we didn't talk about. She asked me to. And she gave me some good reasons to."

"Which were?"

"She wanted to know that life as a woman - without his singing - would be as good. She had decided to try it, whole heartedly, instead of trying find someone or relying on someone else to make that decision for her."

"And the morning after, he was back."

"Yes," Jinon murmured.

"And now?"

"We still talk about anything and everything. I'm... attracted to him. And it doesn't feel weird."

YeJun laughed, softly. "No, I guess it wouldn't, not really," he said. "Be happy, hyung?"

Jinon smiled. "Thanks. I'm doing my best."


End file.
